The Game Is Not Over! What Struggle Is Trying To Teach Us
Everyone gets stuck in fog, in wilderness, in struggle. But you can change, grow, overcome and move beyond struggle and failure. You can redesign your life, start over. Whether you make a bold move or inch along, the important thing is that you have to keep moving.
You can fail, it happens to everyone. But it’s not your identity. Take negative self talk out of your vocabulary. You are not stupid, you are not weak, you are not a failure. You have to take the conscious choice to stop saying it to yourself. You are good enough, you are strong enough. You are enough.
Failure is an event, not your identity. The real failure is not trying.
Say, your marriage failed – like mine did. It’s something that didn’t go the way I hoped and I am taking my learnings from it. It changed the course of my life and I had to let go of my expectations of life and love. It was hard. I was stuck in survival mode for a long time, getting to terms with the changes I didn’t want but had to embrace. Then it hit me: I became curious again. I wanted to find out what is really meant to be there for me. And that’s my journey, that’s my quest. It brought me here, and I can feel it will open up more doors than got shut in my face and my heart so far.
It’s a mindset shift when you start using failures as a jumping off point to learn and grow. It’s the beginning, or, a new beginning. Let failures spark curiosity, not shame. Become conscious about your mental shame loops. Don’t give up and let shame and failure demotivate you. Allow them to be part of your growth, allow them to show you what you need to learn.
This is where healthy change comes in. Making new decisions, starting new habits or routines that empower you and bring you progress. Building out your personality, reconnecting with yourself, building real authenticity, having impact.
Reading biographies is a great way to gain perspective.
There is still potential in you. Your second chance is here to be taken. Don’t be weighed down by judgement of others or shame of a previous failure. Do this for you.
The new chapter is ready for you whenever you want to start it. Acknowledge your past, good and bad. Then move on – learn, grow, surround yourself with more positive people and content. But always remember, you are not done. There is still gas in the tank and your breakthrough is around the next corner. Keep going.
Like me, you may have been trying to just get by, staying in survival mode for too long. Burning yourself out, caring about others, making money, living day by day. Once you decide to go from survival mode into expansion mode, service mode, once you remember tomorrow and not only today, that’s when you are moving on from your past.
When you remember you have dreams, choices, you can alter the thought, story, how you show up, where you live and who you engage with. That’s when you choose your future. Your bigger future, at your terms.
The more you’ve struggled, the more you recognise people’s abilities to lift you up.
I’ve been in a cocoon of my own home and a narrow radius, staying in my comfort zone, for a good 18 months during my marriage breakdown, separation and divorce. I know the feeling. I know about surviving. And I also know about noticing the horizon again, the curiosity, the strength within me, the wit and sharpness in me. I want to reconnect with that, a little bit more each day. And that’s also why I know it’s possible for you.
It’s not the first do-over in my life. In my adult life I’ve moved back in with my parents twice and started a new life abroad twice, too. Life has a way of not always giving us what we want, but if we recognise that we might be getting what we need rather than what we want, we can live with more consciousness and humbleness. If nothing else, the soul searching and restarting makes us resilient, strong and aware of what’s really important in life.
Move over limiting beliefs! You are stronger than you think.
The fears I had have become my biggest strengths. The obstacles I’ve overcome have made me brave. The decisions I have had to make and the boundaries I had to establish have made me realise that there aren’t many women out there who set strong boundaries. Who recognise that working on themselves is the best gift you can give yourself and the best role model you can be for your children. It’s the best basis for a healthy and supporting relationships and friendships. It’s the only way to live in honest happiness.
Are you ready to get out of survival mode? Did you even realise you‘re in it?
